Chapter 1 Part 6: Sara and Carlos

Your family is doing as well as can be expected. The marketing firm that employs your spouse provided a yearlong sabbatical after your death, and fortunately you had enough life insurance for your spouse to afford the time off. During this time, Sara started afternoon kindergarten, and the family moved closer to the children's school. By the time your spouse goes back to work, both of your children are in school.

Since your death, your spouse has been in constant "drive" mode - driving your children to school, doctor's appointments, lessons, and all of the other activities the two of you wanted your children to participate in. Courtney still helps around the house, but your spouse has double the responsibility and is chronically exhausted. One day, while driving home from work with a friend in the car, your spouse falls asleep at the wheel. Awakened by a blaring horn and screeching tires, your spouse is alive for only a split second before running into a semitruck. Your spouse's friend in the passenger seat also dies immediately.

When your spouse fails to arrive to pick up your children, Patsy and Gus know what to do. They locate the documents giving them the legal authority to serve as temporary guardians of your children, and they call the police.

Everyone is shocked to learn that your spouse has died so soon after you. "What will happen to the children?" they ask.

You Named Guardians for Your Children.

You considered what would happen if both you and your spouse died. In fact, your parents had been together when they died. Your father was an airline pilot who also had a private pilot's license. Though he was an expert flier, the single-engine plane he was piloting could not handle the storm that arose unexpectedly while he and your mother were making the short flight from Los Angeles to Santa Barbara.

Because you understood that it was all too possible for children to lose both of their parents, you insisted that you and your spouse complete the paperwork to name permanent guardians.

You Had Guidance from a Personal Family Lawyer when Preparing Your Guardian Nomination.

The whole experience of naming guardians for your kids was much easier than you had expected. You met with a Personal Family Lawyer who not only prepared the legal documents for you, but also counseled you to decide who should raise your kids, which was important for you because you and your spouse were not entirely sure whom to choose.

Other than your estranged brother, neither of you had any immediate family, and neither of you were close with your extended families.

You were at a loss when it came to making a decision.

Your Personal Family Lawyer helped you determine what was important to you when deciding who would raise your children. You knew that you wanted your children raised by a married couple. You knew that you wanted them raised in your own neighborhood. Additionally, because you and your spouse valued cultural experiences, you also wanted your children raised by guardians who valued world travel and, ideally, who spoke more than one language.

You carefully considered couples who fit these criteria, shared your spiritual values, and had similar parenting philosophies. Eventually, you decided on two couples that you both considered the most likely to raise your children in an environment similar to the one you would provide: Karl and Robin Couch, and Patricia and Gustavo Garcia.

The Couches, both teachers, are less affluent than the Garcias. They certainly do not have enough money to send your children to a private school, much less to travel the world extensively. But they share your religion and your parenting philosophy. In fact, you and your spouse had known Robin since college and always admired her values. Though you did not know Karl as well, you trusted that Robin would marry a man with similar convictions.

On the other hand, the Garcia children attend the same private school as your children, and they spend summer and Christmas vacations in South America. The whole family is trilingual.

You and your spouse met Gus and Patsy years ago when you first moved into your neighborhood during college. They became more than neighbors: they became your best friends. You loved them both equally, and you trusted them unconditionally with your children.

Nevertheless, the values exercise you worked through with your Personal Family Lawyer helped you determine that your religious values were most important to you.

Because they share your religious values, you decided to make Robin and Karl your first choices as guardians. You figured that with proper planning, you could leave behind enough money to have your children sent to private school and to earmark money for foreign travel.

In case something happened to Karl and Robin, you listed the Garcias as your second choice for guardians. Sadly, something did happen to Robin. The friend in your spouse's car, the passenger who also died immediately, was Robin. Unless you had specified otherwise, Karl, a man you have only known a short time and who was only chosen as a guardian by virtue of your friendship with his deceased wife, would have been the guardian of your children.

But fortunately, your Personal Family Lawyer helped you see that because you had only known Karl a short time and because you wanted a married couple to raise your children, you should craft your guardian nomination so that the Couches would only take guardianship if they could act together. If they could not, you wanted your children to be raised by the next couple on your list, Patsy and Gus Garcia.

Then your wishes became a bit confusing, but your Personal Family Lawyer helped you to reach clarity. If Patsy and Gus could not serve together because something happened to one of them or if they were divorced at the time of your death, you wanted Robin Couch to raise your children, even if she divorced (or was widowed), but only if she lived in California. If she did not live in California, your next choices were Ann and Michael Cohen, whom you knew would never leave California.

Here is what your guardian nomination looked like:

If a guardian of the Person is required for any minor child of mine, I nominate Robin and Karl Couch jointly, so long as they are married and living together, to serve as guardians.

Alternate Guardians of Person If the above-nominated guardians are unwilling or unable to serve or continue as guardian of the Person of my minor children, then I nominate the following individuals to serve as guardians listed in preferred order and not serving jointly unless so specifically noted:

Patricia and Gustavo Garcia, serving jointly, so long as they are married and living together in the State of California;

then Robin Couch, serving alone, so long as she is living in the State of California;

then Ann and Michael Cohen, serving jointly, so long as they are married and living together in the State of California;

then Patricia Garcia, serving alone, so long as she is living in the State of California;

then Gustavo Garcia, serving alone, so long as he is living in the State of California;

then Robin Couch, serving alone;

then Patricia Garcia, serving alone;

then Gustavo Garcia, serving alone; then Michael Cohen, serving alone;

then Ann Cohen, serving alone.

When you mentioned that you never wanted your brother to take guardianship of your children under any circumstances, your Personal Family Lawyer prepared a confidential document to include in your plan that would stop your brother from assuming guardianship of your children. The document would only be revealed if your brother and his wife tried to take custody of your kids. It stated that in your opinion, your brother's wife is emotionally and verbally abusive to her own children. Your brother neglects his family, working sixteen-hour days so that he can ignore the situation at home as his family spirals out of control.

The confidential document clarified that no matter how much they indicated that they had changed their lives, your brother and his wife were not to be named guardians of your children under any circumstances.

At the time of your spouse's car accident, your children are in the care of the Garcias, who call your Personal Family Lawyer. Your lawyer immediately locates your guardianship paperwork designating Robin and Karl Couch as your first choice of guardians. Because Robin has died, your attorney arranges for your next choices, the Garcias, to assume permanent guardianship of Carlos and Sara.

In the meantime, your brother learns of your spouse's death. Upon learning that your first choices, the Couches, are unable to serve, your brother and sister-in-law decide to challenge the Garcias' guardianship.

On paper, your brother and his family are picture-perfect. Your brother earns a large salary as the area's leading oncologist. They have a lovely home in a fantastic neighborhood. Your sister- in-law is a homemaker, an active member of the PTA, and a charming socialite who serves on the boards of several nonprofit organizations and volunteers much of her time to charity work. The couple appears to value education, and their children attend only the best schools.

In the absence of any instruction from you and your spouse to the contrary, the court would no doubt have given serious consideration to granting your brother and sister-in-law guardianship After all, the couple seems picture-perfect, and the court would have no way to know about your sister-in-law's constant screaming or your brother's sixteen-hour work days. The court would not know that their own children's self-esteem has been so trampled by their parents' poor parenting skills and negative home environment that the children have started to act out, choose the wrong friends, and make dangerous choices. The court would not know, for instance, that it would be sending Carlos and Sara to live in a home where the older children have already started to experiment with drugs and sexuality.

But luckily, with the guidance of your Personal Family Lawyer, you thought ahead. And when your Personal Family Lawyer produces the confidential document excluding your brother and his wife, they immediately withdraw their petition for guardianship. They are hurt, ashamed, and angry. But they have no choice but to withdraw their petition for guardianship or suffer the embarrassment when your attorney and the courts are forced to expose the reasons for their exclusion.

Your children are protected, and in accordance with your wishes, the Garcias become legal custodians of Carlos and Sara. Patsy and Gus make exemplary parents. Gus is a musician, and he teaches Sara to play the guitar; he knows she wants to be a singer. He also notices Carlos's artistic gifts and enrolls your son in a weekend class for budding artists. Patsy and Gus do everything you imagined they would.

Because your Personal Family Lawyer impressed upon you the importance of leaving behind letters and recorded messages for your kids, Patsy and Gus have no question as to how you want your kids raised and the values, insights, stories, and experiences you want your children to have. They even raise them with the religious values that were so important to you.

When Sara tells the Garcias that she wants to pursue her musical interests instead of attending a university, they smile and congratulate her, because they know from your letters exactly how you wanted them to handle this situation. "Not many people know what they want to do at such a young age," Patsy says. "I know of a great community college you can attend part-time. It has a phenomenal music department. You can take a general education course and a few music courses while still having time for music gigs," Gus says. "Can I set up an interview?"

And Carlos? With the support of Patsy and Gus, Carlos's church (your church) introduces him to several world aid organizations. He is able to fight injustice by volunteering his time and efforts to developing countries.

In short, Carlos and Sara become people you would have been proud to call your children. The last thing they do before going to bed each night is listen to the CD you recorded years before when you met with your Personal Family Lawyer to plan for your life and your legacy.

Sara and Carlos heard you and your spouse talk about the life lessons you hoped to pass on and the love you felt for them. Despite their despair at losing you, your children feel infinite peace and know that everything will work out as it was supposed to, and they feel the loving embrace of an energy greater than themselves.

Next, we'll end with what would happen if Sara and Carlos' parents did NOT name long-term guardians for their kids...