Chapter 1 Part 5: Sara and Carlos

From the first time you felt Carlos kick inside your belly, you thought about the life lessons you wanted to teach him: the values, insights, stories, and experiences you wanted to share with him when the time was right. You began to keep a mental file of what you wanted him to learn; by the time Sara was born, the mental file was bulging.

Many times you thought about spending a weekend with your spouse discussing the values, insights, stories, and experiences you wanted to share with your children, but life was so hectic that you never scheduled time to create a plan to transfer your values to your children. You figured you would share the lessons when the time was right.

Your children were more important to you than your own life. They were constantly on your mind, so it never occurred to you that they could forget you. Though your parents died when you were a young adult, you remembered them with vivid details.

Sara starts to forget about you within a few months of your death. Carlos will never forget you, but the older he gets, the less he feels he knows you, and the more he feels is missing.

During milestone occasions, he often wonders what you would have said. When your spouse begins dating, Carlos feels certain that you would have disapproved (even though you wouldn't have). When he struggles with a difficult career choice - whether to follow his heart and be poor forever or to follow the money - he wonders what you would have said (follow your heart). When his first child is born, he wonders what advice you would have shared with him (learn to laugh when the baby spits up on your new suit).

Sara does not wonder about you at all. After all, she never really knew you.

Stay tuned as we discuss one of the most important issues in kids protection planning - which is naming permanent guardians.