Chapter 1 Part 4: Sara and Carlos

You Left Written and Recorded Messages About Your Values, Insights, Stories, and Experiences for Your Children.

From the first time you felt Carlos kick inside your belly, you thought about the life lessons you wanted to teach him: the values, insights, stories, and experiences you wanted to share with him when the time was right. You began to keep a mental file of what you wanted him to learn; by the time Sara was born, the mental file was bulging.

The first time you spent a night away from Carlos and Sara, you realized that all of these life lessons were locked up in your mind and that if anything happened to you, Carlos and Sara would never benefit from your mental file. Your concerns resurfaced when Carlos was nine. You were aware of how many of his beliefs - beliefs you did not necessarily want him to have - were shaped by his schoolmates, TV, and teachers. You knew that your chance to infuse his mind with life lessons was quickly passing.

You convinced your spouse to spend a weekend discussing the life lessons you wanted your kids to learn. Together, you wrote several letters and recorded CDs to be given to your children at specified birthdays, graduations, engagements, and on other milestone days, like their wedding days and when they each became parents themselves. You knew that it was likely that you would be reading the letters with them on those special days; you felt peace knowing that they would hear these life lessons from you even if you were not alive.

Though thinking about death is never pleasant, this weekend helped you and your spouse reach clarity on the values, insights, stories, and experiences you wanted to pass along, knowing that you had a plan for passing on these values.

Both kids were growing so fast, and with a hectic day-to-day life, you realized how easily they could grow up without benefiting from all the important things locked in your head. Soon, they would be too wrapped up with friends to listen to your insights into life. After that, you and your spouse were much more conscious of taking the time and creating the energy to share your values, insights, stories, and experiences at age-appropriate intervals.

As it turned out, you could not be at Sara's wedding. But after her soon-to-be husband proposes, Sara is given a letter from you about love and commitment. In the letter, you quote Kahlil Gibran's touching poem, "On Marriage." Sara incorporates this poem into her vows. She feels your spirit at her ceremony. And though she has few memories of you, she has been hearing your voice and reading your letters throughout her life. She knows you, and she feels your love.

And when Carlos goes on his first date at the age of fourteen, your spouse gives him a letter from you. The letter speaks of the excitement of new romance and his responsibility to be an honest, thoughtful gentleman. Carlos begins to realize that you would have wanted your spouse to enjoy life with someone new and that he has been unfair. He finally recognizes that your spouse should be able to enjoy the same excitement without being blamed for betraying your memory.

Next, we continue with what would happen if you did NOT leave written messages to your children...